Before I Return
by Isobel Morgan
Summary: Prequel to 'Volver.' Jess tries to adjust to resurrection, hunting and earth-bound angels.


Prequel to 'Volver.' Jess tries to adjust to resurrection, hunting and earth-bound angels.

As I began writing the story this is a prequel to prior to watching Season Six, this is a sort of 'alternative' season with a few differences to canon.

**Before I Return**

Sky.

She could see the sky. Blue sky, with little fluffy white clouds.

How long had it been since she'd seen the sky? Years.

Funny, the things you found to miss when you were in Heaven. Those left behind, the living, the world you'd built for yourself, that was understandable, but you never think about the little things until it's too late.

Not that she'd ever thought about any of it, any more than she'd expected to die at twenty-one, but since then, Jessica had learnt that there was a whole lot more to the world, and beyond, than she'd ever imagined. And now here she was, back on Earth. Living, breathing, alive once more. It was... overwhelming.

For who knows how long, she lay there, just breathing and staring up at the sky. You couldn't see the real sky in Heaven, only whatever version of it existed within your own personal Heaven. And Jess' personal Heaven was made up of that cabin her family had spent their winter vacation in when she was fifteen, the trip to Aspen when she'd learnt to ski, one of her favourite memories. She'd had plenty of time to think that over, why she'd chosen that memory, even unconsciously. Yes, she'd loved that vacation, but mostly because she was there with her family; her parents, her sister, all of whom were alive and well and living in Ohio. So as far as heaven went... not so much.

And then there was Sam. Or rather, there wasn't, which was the problem. Maybe because memories of him were too strongly linked to those of her death? And violent death, she was learning, could change a person. After a while, she'd figured out how to tune the television in the cabin to follow people back on Earth, watching over them in a way that was nothing like how she'd imagined it would be, when she'd ever thought about it. And watching Sam had pretty much broken her heart. Her family, that had been hard, really hard, missing them so much as she watched them mourn her, but eventually, they'd learnt to cope with her loss, or at least to pick up their lives, try to carry on. But Sam...

Jess had always known he had secrets, would have had to have been an idiot not to. But that hadn't mattered, when they were together. She'd known he was a good guy. Finding out his secret, watching him and his brother... well, it was a good job her death had already given her a change of perspective. If she hadn't already been dead, witnessing his pain, the way his whole life was taken apart after her murder would have killed her. It took a while to understand it, to make sense of what Brady had said to her that night, and to put it together with what she was seeing. And as the years went on, she saw everything and she wished, more than anything, that she could go back and help him.

"Are you planning on staying down there?"

Jess blinked. The owner of the voice, a fortysomething blonde woman in a white mac, took a step closer, casting a shadow over Jess. Her expression, like her words, was amused.

"What?"

"I said, are you planning on staying down there? Most of the people who get a second chance don't lie around staring at the clouds."

The woman smiled, a friendly smile but Jess, the touch of Heaven lingering on her, could see some of what hid behind that. She sat up, wary.

"So... you're an angel."

"Yep."

Jess hesitated.

"What now?"

"Well, that depends. What do you want to do?"

Jess didn't even have to think about it.

"I want to see Sam."

"Ah."

The angel crouched down next to Jess, folding her arms.

"I'm afraid that's not possible. Not just yet."

"Why not?"

"Because it's complicated. Not everyone agreed that letting you come back was a good idea and they're worried about what could happen."

"You don't trust me? Or Sam?"

"This isn't about trust. And it's not just about the two of you."

"Then why can't I see him?"

Jess stared back into the angel's grey eyes, her own expression set on stubborn.

"Later. There's a lot to be sorted out first. How about something to eat?"

"I'm not a child. You can't distract me with candy bars and French fries."

"I'm not trying to distract you. Look, Jessica, I need to explain a few things to you and here isn't the best place to do it."

Jess got to her feet, looking around for the first time since she'd resurrected. She didn't recognise it – a park of some kind, mostly empty. Though sunny, it was a cold day but then she was used to cold – her Heaven had been a snowed-in log cabin after all.

"Where is this?"

"Paris."

Jess stared at the angel, who was perfectly serious.

"Paris?"

"Yes. Parc Montsouris. You're supposed to come back where you died, or where you're buried but I told them that was a bad idea. Someone who knew you could see you, someone who isn't supposed to know you're back, so I diverted you here. Pretty, isn't it?"

Jess didn't take her eyes off the other woman's face.

"Lovely. Why am I here?"

"That's what I need to talk to you about. Walk with me."

The angel turned, striding off along the path towards the lake. Without any other viable option right then, Jess followed.

"You got a name?"

"I'm Sariel. When I was created, I was named the angel of Guidance and Healing, and that's what I've done ever since. Mostly."

"Mostly?"

"I'll get to that. But you should know, I'm not quite the same as the other angels you may have met, in Heaven. I've been Earth-bound for, oh, two thousand years, give or take. So I understand some of what you're going through."

"Really? Cos I don't."

"Coffee?"

The two of them had reached a little cart selling takeout coffee and the server handed two paper cups to Sariel. She proffered one to Jess, who took it, deciding that it was easier to just go along with it. For now.

"Thanks. This is really in Paris? Not some dead person's memory of Paris in Heaven?"

Sariel smiled.

"If this was still Heaven, you'd know it. Coming back down isn't a little thing, is it?"

Jess frowned, trying to remember, but much of it was already slipping away. Besides, much of her time in Heaven had been spent watching Sam, devoting all her energies to finding a way back to him, a way to help him.

"Who did you speak to? Before you came back, I mean?"

"I – I'm not sure. It's hard to remember."

"Ah yes. It can take a while to adjust to being alive again, make things a little strange. All the body things get in the way."

Jess sipped at her coffee, comparing the taste to the experiences she'd had in Heaven, where she didn't need to eat or drink, but when she did, it was like re-experiencing a memory of something she'd had while alive, rather than a new experience. Subsequently, however weird being alive again would be, it was infinitely better than being dead.

Sariel sat down on a bench at the water's edge, blowing on her own coffee to cool it.

"Look, I don't want to lay too much on you all at once, but..."

Jess sat down next to the angel.

"Hit me with it."

"The message I got was that you weren't just brought back on a whim. You got involved in some serious trouble before, yes? How much do you know about what was really going on?"

"I don't know," was Jessica's honest reply.

And so Sariel began to explain to her, as much as she could. About Sam and Dean and the hand they had been dealt in life, the part they were born to play, in God's plan as much as that of the yellow-eyed demon that had ordered Jessica's own death. Even though she'd seen a lot of it herself, from Heaven, when spoken aloud it all sounded ludicrous.

"So now what?" Jess asked, as Sariel drew to an apparent close. And then the memory hit her like a lightning strike and she leapt to her feet, the coffee cup splitting open on the floor as it fell from her hand.

"Sam – he let Lucifer possess him – the fight with Michael... He's in Hell, isn't he? We have to get him out!"

"Jessica."

Sariel remained seated, her voice as calm as her expression.

"It's alright. Sam's fine."

"Where is he? What happened?"

"He's out. Both vessels were freed and restored to their former lives, as far as I know."

But Jess wouldn't be mollified.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that Sam and his brothers are all perfectly well. Nobody's in Hell."

"So why can't I see him?" Jessica practically yelled, her frustration spilling out.

"Because things have changed. What Sam did, he and Adam and Dean... they changed everything. Nobody knows what's going to happen now, not even the angels. I've stayed out of Heaven's business as much as I could for centuries and I think that's why they gave me you as a charge. They want you kept safe, but away from the Winchesters for now. As much for your safety as anything else."

"My safety? I've already been dead once, what the hell does my safety matter to anyone now?"

Across the park, heads were turning at her raised voice, but Jess didn't care. If anyone understood what she was saying, they probably thought, what, that she was just some crazy American girl having a fight with her mom about her boyfriend's role in the Apocalypse. So what?

"Does Sam even know I'm alive?"

Sariel shook her head, a look of concern on her face, bordering on pity. Jess didn't want her pity.

"He can't. Not yet. And there's more."

"More?"

"Yes. You agreed to be an instrument of Heaven in exchange for your resurrection, yes? Do you remember what that means?"

"Oh. Yes. Sort of."

"I was told you want to become a Hunter. Like Sam."

"Again, sort of."

"That's a little outside my remit. But I do know someone who can help."

"Who?"

Sariel smiled, and suddenly they were somewhere else.

Jess turned a full circle, looking around. It was very different – back in the States, presumably, judging by the cars. Seemed like there were a lot of old cars around, well cared-for classic cars and they must be somewhere way out in the sticks because everyone was dressed really weird, old-fashioned and not in a vintage-cool, retro way either. Over the road was what looked like a high school, surrounded by housing.

"Where are we?"

"Kansas. But that's not the question you should be asking."

Jess turned another circle, more slowly this time. This was very weird. And that was coming from someone who'd been dead that morning and wasn't anymore.

"Who am I looking for?"

"Close, but that's only half the question... ah, here we go."

A bell rang in the school, and almost immediately young people exploded out of the doors, clutching their books. Jess watched them, confused.

"When did it turn in 1973?" she asked and Sariel smiled.

"1971, actually."

"What?"

But Sariel did not elaborate, looking over the crowds of high-school kids until she found the one she was after.

"There she is. See the blonde girl in the brown jacket?"

She pointed. Bewildered, Jessica followed her direction. The girl looked about seventeen, pretty, wearing jeans and a blouse with a kind of flying jacket over the top. Laughing with her friends, she left the school grounds and walked off to the right, presumably heading home.

"Who is she?"

"Her name is Mary Campbell. She's a Hunter from a long line of Hunters and the best person to teach you what you need to know."

"I don't understand. Why her? And what did you mean it's 1971?"

And then the penny dropped.

"Mary – that's Sam's _mom_?"

"Not yet. But she will be."

Jess stared after the girl, her mouth hanging open in shock. She started to move forward, to follow the girl but Sariel took hold of her arm.

"Hold on a minute. There are a few more things I need to tell you before you talk to her."

"But – what – I don't understand. Why did you bring me here? Now?"

"If you're serious about becoming a Hunter, then you don't just need to learn how to fight."

Jess's mind whirled. She went to sit down on the bench, forgetting that it wasn't there anymore, that they'd left it beside a lake in Paris nearly forty years in the future, and she landed on her ass. She looked up at Sariel, anger rising.

"None of this makes any sense!"

"Maybe I was a little hasty."

Sariel helped Jess to her feet, and before she had a chance to look around, they were elsewhere once more, this time some kind of apartment and it no longer looked like 1971.

"I'm sorry. That was too much."

"Angels can time travel. Who knew?"

At least some of the things Jess had seen from Heaven made a little more sense now – Sam and Dean had vanished from anywhere she could see repeatedly, and the conversations they had about their mother... well, now she could figure out what they'd been talking about a little better.

"Okay... so... Sam and Dean's mom was a Hunter."

"Yes. And a very good one. But she was raised to it; she didn't choose it anymore than Sam and Dean did."

"I know what I'm getting into. And anything beats being dead, right?"

Sariel took hold of Jess's arm, a serious look in her eyes.

"Jessica. Think about this. You weren't given a second chance just to die again. You need to take this slowly. I'll be looking out for you but I can't be there all the time. And someone like Mary Campbell knows all about these risks, what you have to give up to commit yourself to Hunting."

"Well, I don't have anything else to lose right now, do I? You won't let me see my family or my boyfriend. Or whatever he is now."

For a moment, Sariel had no reply.

"You're right, you don't have anything else right now. So let's work on that, shall we?"

It took a couple of days for it to really sink in, what she'd taken on. At first, the idea of coming back had seemed a temporary thing – she'd see Sam, talk to him, help him if she could but Jess realised she'd been imagining going back up to Heaven, not really thinking about building a life here. A new life, not the one she'd had before.

Those were the rules – no contact with friends or family, a new identity, the ultimate witness protection programme complete with your own guardian angel. Jess' memories of the other angels came back after a while, and as she'd said, Sariel was nothing like them. They'd been – well, they'd been like the 'bad cops' to Sariel's 'good cop', full of talk she hadn't really understood about the will of God and the need for instruments of Heaven.

Sariel made it clear she didn't much care for the idea of the will of God after what had happened over the last year with the aborted Apocalypse, and she cared even less for the squabbling between angels who all thought they knew what was best for the world.

That made some things easier for Jess to understand – yes, some of what she'd gotten caught up in was important on a world scale, but the rest, well, she could figure it out as she went along. And there was a fair amount of working out to do. Jess had assumed that watching Sam and Dean would be enough to get her starting Hunting but Sariel was having none of it, turning into a schoolteacher right away. She got Jess studying all manner of strange old books on folklore and mythology, learning Latin and bits of some weird old language Sariel said was the angels' mother tongue. In a matter of weeks, Jess learnt exorcisms, how to make Holy Water and the basics of weapons training and hand to hand combat. But, as Sariel admitted, she was 'a bit rusty' on the last part.

"It's not something I ever really had to do," she told Jess, a bit sheepishly. "It's not in my job description."

"I never really thought of angels fighting," Jess replied, practising the decapitation swing with the machete in her hand, in case she ran into any vampires in her apartment. Sariel wasn't letting her out alone at all, and kept telling her it was far too soon to begin any real Hunting, which was incredibly frustrating.

"Based on what? TV shows?" Sariel had an amused smile on her face. "I wouldn't put much stock in those. Personally, I blame the Victorians. They're the ones who insisted on fluffy wings and halos."

"What, no harps?" Jess grinned back.

"Not even close."

Eventually, Sariel seemed to accept that Jess was ready enough to start proper training. Which meant learning from another Hunter, and Sariel was sticking to her idea that the best person for the job was Mary Campbell.

"What do I say to her?" Jess asked. Now the idea of coming face-to-face with Sam's not-yet mother, she was becoming nervous.

"Well, the truth isn't an option, I'm afraid." Sariel pulled an apologetic face. "But she's used to weird, so make something up."

In the end, she went for a half-truth, figuring it would be easier to remember. And so when Sariel zapped her back to 1971 again, (not accompanying her this time), Jess found herself waiting outside the school again, fidgeting anxiously.

The school bell made her jump and she started scanning the faces of each teen, looking for Mary. For a moment, she was worried she wouldn't recognise her again, but the jolt of recognition was instantaneous. Did Sam look like her? She was so pretty, laughing with her friends, seemingly so carefree in the sunlight. Presumably, no-one knew her secret – Jess pushed away the comparison that had been in the back of her mind since she'd learned of the skeleton in Mary's closet, that she was a 1970's Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But Sariel had said the Campbells had been Hunters for generations; by now, they must've learnt to hide what they did and maintain a life. Shame Mary's sons never got to share in that.

Jess waited until Mary called out a goodbye to her friends, then crossed over the road, stepping in front of her.

"Hello."

Mary stopped, shifting her books onto her hip, mild suspicion on her face behind the smile.

"Hi. Do I know you?"

Jess shook her head.

"Uh, no. I, uh, I was told you could help me?"

She pulled up the sleeve of her shirt, displaying the newly tattooed anti-demon possession symbol on her left forearm. Mary's eyes widened in surprise, then she shook her head, taking hold of Jess' arm and hurrying her further away from the school.

"Not here."

When they were a safe distance away, Mary pulled them both into the shade of a handy tree.

"Who are you? Who told you about me?"

"My name is Jessica."

She couldn't use her real name back in her own timeline, but here, well, she should be safe, right?

"I... it's a bit complicated. But I need some help, and I was told your family are the resident experts."

"So you come to my school?"

Mary glanced around, as if her classmates were lurking behind the fence, listening.

"Sorry. I'm not trying to blow your cover."

Mary sighed.

"Never mind. What is it you need help with?"

"Everything, really."

The younger girl, who could have been her mother-in-law, had they both lived, gave Jess a long, assessing look.

"Okay, come back to my house. We can talk there."

"Will your folks mind?"

"My dad doesn't like to bring work home, but... just say we're doing a school project together or something, for now. Unless there's something they need to know about?"

Jess shook her head again.

"No, nothing dangerous. Not that I know of, anyway."

"Come on then."

Mary strode off, Jess hurrying alongside her, sneaking peeks at the teenage version of Sam's mom. This was not getting any less weird, but as Sariel had said, Mary should be used to weird, and Jess was getting a little more used to it.

As they reached the Campbells' home, Mary ushered Jessica up the stairs to her room before her mother, baking in the kitchen, could see them.

"Hi Mom!" Mary called out. "Homework!"

Jess caught a glimpse of an apron-clad Mrs Campbell, dusted with flour, looking amused at her daughter galloping up the stairs. She resembled every 1970's mom Jess had ever seen on TV and again, she felt that little twist inside that Sam didn't get to experience any of this regular home life.

Mary flung her books down in a heap, switching on the little portable radio on the windowsill as she dropped down on the bed.

"Come on, then. Spill!"

Jessica remained standing, still awkward.

"Okay. Um, I sort of... got involved with this guy. A Hunter. And I, uh-"

"Scary, isn't it? Finding out monsters are real?"

_"Oh, you have no idea,"_ Jess thought.

"I know a little, you know, about how to kill them. But, well, the guy's not around right now and most Hunters don't much like the idea of some girl asking them to teach them to fight, so-"

"So they sent you to me."

"Kind of. Is that...? Look, if this is too weird, then I can go-"

"No, it's okay."

Jess was a little surprised at how normal Mary was. Not just about the stranger turning up asking her to train her as a Hunter, but in general. Watching Sam had made it pretty clear what kind of a life it was and it hadn't really occurred to Jess that there was an alternative.

The memory of the future she'd envisioned with Sam, before her death, flickered in the back of her mind.

"You're not the first to come here asking for help. Though you are the first to come to me instead of my dad. I thought maybe me and my cousins were the only girls that did this."

Mary looked a little sad all of a sudden, and Jess felt a pang. At least she herself had gotten to grow up in a regular family; until her death, she'd known nothing about the supernatural.

"Yeah, I can see why most folks wouldn't choose it. But it's kind of out of my hands now... there was this demon-"

"Demon?" Mary was alarmed. "You can't fight demons. They don't die."

"But you can exorcise them, right? Send them back to Hell? I've learned a few spells."

"That's not the hard part," Mary cut in. "They don't play fair, you know."

_"Damn straight." _Jess kept that thought to herself though.

"I'm not planning on fighting demons, if I can help it. But fighting is sort of what I really need to talk to you about. Like you said, not many Hunters are girls. Figured you'd have some tips."

Mary gave this some genuine thought.

"Okay. You seem to know what you're getting into. I guess me telling you to walk away isn't going to do much good?"

Jess shook her head.

"It's too late for that."

_"And how,"_ added her inner monologue. _"Four years in my past and just about forty years in your future."_

"Then I think I can help you. We should talk to my mom and dad though."

Which is how Jess found herself joining the Campbells for dinner.

Mary's mom, Deanna, was as welcoming and friendly as appearances suggested; the first time Jess had come across the idea of a Hunter who was also a homemaker. Sitting down to a home-cooked meal in a comfortable home made Jess miss her own family even more, but, she told herself, moping wasn't going to fix anything. They couldn't know she was back, and it could put them in danger if they ever found out – Jess tried to squash the rebellious thought inside that she could run off and meet up with them now. Surely more than ten years before her own birth would be safe? She knew where she could find both her not-yet parents, but then she had a pretty good idea that Sariel wouldn't let her get that far.

Mary's father, Samuel (and that revelation had made Jess' heart skip a beat), however, was less hospitable. Not completely hostile, but his expression made it pretty clear he didn't like complete strangers turning up at his door knowing all about who they were and what they did, much less getting his daughter involved. Which was kind of rich, when you thought about it.

"So, Jessica."

Samuel leaned over the table to pick up the mashed potatoes, giving her a look that reminded her of her high school principal.

"How long have you been Hunting?"

"Uh, not all that long. I – it's sort of a long story."

"We got time."

"Samuel! Let the girl finish her dinner before you give her the third degree," Deanna interjected, seemingly ignoring the face her husband pulled in response.

"Well, there is something I wanted to ask you."

Jess gathered her courage.

"Have you ever heard of people coming back from the dead?"

"You mean zombies?" Samuel grunted. "Sure. Nail 'em back into their graves, they quiet right down."

"No, I mean resurrection. Like, as a regular person."

All three Campbells put down their cutlery and stared at her.

"That's not something you should think about trying-," Deanna began, trying to be understanding, but Jess persisted.

"I don't mean spells or deals with crossroads demons either. I mean people being given a second chance."

"Who by? God?"

Samuel's tone showed the lack of faith he had in that idea, which surprised Jess a little. They'd said grace before dinner, after all.

"Maybe. I just wondered if you'd ever heard of it happening."

"No. And it wouldn't be a good thing if it did," was Samuel's brusque reply. "Dead should mean dead. Anything else – just unnatural."

Jess decided to let that matter drop.

Despite his obvious reservations, Samuel agreed to let Jessica stay, and, rather grudgingly, to allow Mary to tutor her. Mary's own feelings about this, Jess couldn't quite gauge and while helping Deanna with the dishes, Jess tested the waters.

"So how did you start Hunting? Was it when you met Samuel?"

"Not quite. He kept it from me, at first. What man wouldn't?"

Jess bit her lip.

"But, let me see, it would have been just after we were engaged... seems like such a long time ago now... There were a number of disappearances in the neighbourhood, young women. Samuel was so tense, kept vanishing for hours at a time. I thought he was just getting cold feet, so I followed him one night and I saw him fighting with this... thing. I tried to tell myself that my eyes were playing tricks or something, but... well, you know what that's like, don't you?"

Jess just nodded.

"I confronted him, and after a while he told me. He didn't want to, of course but I told him if he truly wanted to marry me, he had to be honest. Once he explained everything, it all fell into place. All his behaviour, the things that hadn't made any sense. He tried to make me promise never to get involved, but I wouldn't hear of it. Let him go on risking his life while I sat at home? Of course when I was expecting and while Mary was small, I couldn't do much then, but I still needed to know how to defend myself, to keep our daughter safe. He saw the sense in that."

"And what about Mary? How does she feel?"

Deanna put down the plate she was washing, hesitant.

"It has been hard for her," she admitted. "I tried to give her as normal a childhood as I could, but I kept thinking of all the things out there that could hurt her, the monsters that could take her away from me if I didn't teach her something at least. And having Hunters for parents made her more of a target."

Deanna sighed.

"Sometimes I wish she didn't have to be involved. I feel guilty for even having a child, but she's a strong girl. And we do our best."

"I can see that."

Deanna resumed washing the dishes and there was a moment's silence.

"So what was it? The monster Samuel was Hunting when you followed him?"

"Oh, it was a vampire," Deanna replied, matter-of-factly. "Turns out a whole nest of them had moved in. I helped Samuel take care of them."

"Oh."

Try as she might, Jess couldn't imagine the archetypal 'mom' stood next to her hacking the heads off vampires any more than she could imagine Samuel letting her do that.

Over the next few days, Jess discovered how much more there was to Deanna and Mary Campbell, and began to see how cultivating a deceptive appearance could be useful. Samuel had little to do with her, beside providing her with an exhaustive selection of reading material that made Sariel's lessons look like preschool, but the women taught her things she didn't know she needed to know. Mary, especially, was a far better fighter than her parents gave her credit for, perhaps because they wanted to keep her back, and when it was just the two of them, Jess found her own techniques improving quickly. During the day, when Samuel was at work and Mary at school, Jess read through Hunter journals, books of lore and helped Deanna out around the house, interspersed with trips out to a quiet field where Deanna taught her to shoot. Samuel had made it clear he wasn't interested in helping Jess out all that much, but Deanna seemed to enjoy teaching her. Maybe it reminded her of teaching Mary, but without the responsibility of parenthood getting in the way.

Jess had thought she'd find living a full decade and more before her own birth stranger; that she'd forget and make silly comments about things that hadn't happened, people who weren't famous yet, that sort of thing. But she was so busy learning she didn't have time to think about that, and after Heaven, the 1970s seemed less strange. Things like, there were less TV channels to watch barely mattered when you'd spent four years using the TV to watch a person you loved suffer, fight, even die. Although adjusting to not knowing where Sam was, what he was doing and if he was in danger, that was difficult, even though technically he hadn't been born yet, where she was. But she had no way of knowing when Sariel would send her back to, and what Sam would have been doing in the meantime. Or, whatever. Time travel made her head hurt.

And on top of all that, Jess had to keep reminding herself that she couldn't stay, not to get attached, the incredibly heavy weight of knowing what would happen to this family pressing on her. Why had Sariel insisted on sending her here? It wasn't as if Jess hadn't already known at least some of the grand plans spun around Sam and his family by a legion of demons, didn't need to see it up close to understand. True, everything she was learning was valuable... clearly her angel felt that the best lessons were the ones learned the hardest. Maybe just watching wasn't deemed enough.

And then one afternoon, just as Deanna was giving her a pop quiz, Samuel came bursting into the house, the door slamming shut behind him.

"Samuel, what in the world...?"

Deanna got to her feet, calm and collected in the face of her husband wrenching open the cupboard under the stairs, grabbing his weapons bag and spilling the contents all over the freshly cleaned floor.

"It's not _this_ world that's the problem," Samuel growled.

Deanna remained calm, but Jess saw her shoulders tense at the registered threat.

"What is it? Do you know yet?"

Samuel continued rooting through the collection of weaponry, refusing to answer.

"Samuel! Tell me, and we can help you!"

Samuel looked up, taking in Jessica standing in the doorway behind his wife and grunting in a derisive fashion.

"I don't think so."

Deanna knelt beside her husband, picking up one of the scattered silver knives, her hand closing firmly around the handle.

"Samuel," she said, quiet but unyielding and he relented.

"It's Matthew. He called, said he needed my help with something he was Hunting."

"Matthew?" Jess questioned softly, not wanting to intrude further, but needing to know what was going on.

"Matthew Rake," Deanna replied. "He's based in Colorado, but sometimes these things hop state lines... we've helped each other out before."

"I went out to the old church on Willow Street," Samuel continued. "He said he'd cornered it, needed my help to force it onto hallowed ground."

"What was it? Is Matthew alright?"

Samuel's hand clenched into a tight fist, barely repressed anger filling his frame.

"Wasn't anything there. It was Matthew. There's something in him... I don't know what, a spirit or something. He attacked me."

Deanna gasped in shock.

"I fought him off, managed to get him into the church but it didn't make any difference. Whatever it is, hallowed ground don't hurt it."

"Is it a demon?" Jessica asked. "Some of them, the really bad ones, they can go into churches like it's nothing."

Samuel looked up at her.

"That ain't helping," he snapped, but Jess wasn't cowed.

"I've dealt with demons before," she replied, choosing to ignore the fact that on that occasion, the demon in question had murdered her without breaking a sweat.

"I can help you."

"You? You're just a kid. God only knows what I was thinking letting a girl like you stay here, let you learn about Hunting."

Jess took a step forward, feeling the pressure of all the knowledge she's accumulated in Heaven weigh on her.

"I'm _not_ a kid. Let me do this."

The Campbells both hesitated. Then Deanna got to her feet.

"I'll fetch Mary from school. We'll all go with you."

"No! I can do this." Samuel was clearly holding back his anger, was a hair's breadth from losing it but Jess wouldn't back down.

"You got him trapped?"

"For the moment. He's behind salt lines in the church; I put a Devil's trap on the doors."

"Then let's go."

Jess raised her head, her body tense with anticipation.

Samuel stared back at her; Jess couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Deanna. Go get Mary and meet us there."

His wife ran out without another word.

Samuel got to his feet, tossing a duffel bag to Jess.

"Alright. But keep up. I'm not gonna babysit you."

Jess held her tongue and carried the weapons out to the car.

Samuel didn't say a word to her the entire trip, and Jess sensed it was best to do the same, concentrating instead on practising the exorcism in her head, trying to quell her rising nerves. This was it, her first real Hunt, the first time she'd encountered anything like this since her death. She trusted the Campbells, but they didn't seem to have had much experience with demons, if any, and Jess was under no illusion that this was going to be easy. All she could do was hope what she knew would be enough, that this demon wouldn't be one that somehow knew her.

_"Please,"_ Jess found herself praying. _"Don't let it have yellow eyes..."_

They pulled up outside the abandoned church. Samuel, his rage barely repressed, kicked open the door to the church, pumping the shotgun he'd loaded with rock salt shells.

"Matthew!" he bellowed. "Where are you, you son of a bitch?"

"Wait!" Jess called out. "Don't go in!"

But Samuel ignored her and Jess realised he'd never had any intention of listening to her. She grabbed the items she'd picked out on the ride over; the Bible, the Holy Water, the rosary beads blessed by the Priest in the local church. Funny, she'd never been especially religious. Chuch had always been a family thing, a tradition, almost an obligation. Now her life could depend on it.

The shotgun blast as she ran into the church was deafening and as the dust and the ringing in her ears settled down, Jess saw Samuel standing over a fallen man, up against the far wall.

"Who are you? What have you done with Matthew?"

Jess saw the man's eyes roll over pure black and felt that familiar flip of fear in her stomach. She clutched onto the exorcist's kit in her hands and forced herself to approach the two of them. The Devil's Traps Samuel had drawn covered the exits, but there needed to be one inside to hold this demon while she tried to force it out of this man and back to Hell.

"Why don't you ask your little slut?" the possessed man grinned, taking in Jess with lecherous eyes. Samuel glanced back at her, dismissing her in favour of the enemy in front of him and Jess took the opportunity to grab a chair and climb up on it, sketching out a new Devil's Trap in chalk in the middle of the low ceiling.

"Seems like she has a pretty good idea what I am, don't you sweetheart?"

Jess forced herself to continue her task, not to be goaded into a fight she knew she still wasn't quite ready for.

"Shame I'm not your first. Wouldn't have minded popping that cherry."

"You shut your mouth!" Samuel bellowed, raising the shotgun once more, covering the demon as he got to his feet, slowly, seemingly unaffected from having been blasted halfway through the wall.

"What did you do to Matthew?"

"The meatsuit?" The demon looked down at the form it was currently occupying, as if it hadn't thought to do so before.

"He's still here, somewhere. Might be somewhat worse for wear now you just filled him full of holes, though."

"Get out of him!"

The demon gave Samuel a withering look.

"I don't think so, Hunter. This one could prove to be useful. Got you two here, didn't it? And I don't know what you're doing that for, sweetheart," he called out to Jess, who was finishing her Trap. "You expecting me to just step under it?"

Jess got down, clutching the Bible close to her with one hand, the rosary beads wrapped around it, the bottle of Holy Water burning a hole in her pocket.

"That'd be helpful, sure. But like you said, you're not the first hellspawn I've met. I know what I'm doing."

"You sure? Cause your hands sure are shaking, little girl."

"Hers might be," Samuel cut in, his tone cold and angry. "But mine ain't. You looking for another taste of rocksalt?"

The demon ran a hand over the front of his shirt, lifting the residue and sucking it from his finger as a chef might taste a sauce, smacking his lips.

"I could stand to go another round, sure. But your friend here, the meatsuit? Maybe not."

Samuel seemed to consider this.

"Matthew'd understand," he said, and without any warning, he swung the butt of the shotgun around, smacking into the side of the man's head, knocking him to the ground once more. But as Jess and Samuel took a step forward, looking to grab him, drag him into the relative prison of the Devil's Trap, the demon flung out a hand and the two humans found themselves hurtling backwards across the floor of the abandoned church.

Jess felt the breath knocked out of her, struggling to her feet, trying to ignore the pain but she'd been dead too long, had forgotten just how overwhelming physical pain was. Samuel was up right away, trading blows with the demon, but he was clearly coming off worse. Coughing, Jess forced herself back up, unscrewing the top of the bottle of Holy Water and stumbling over to fling the contents over the fighters. Immediately, the demon began to smoke and scream, staggering back.

"You little _bitch_!"

"You watch your language," Samuel reprimanded, his fist smacking into the demon's face. As the demon lost its footing, he grabbed hold of the body it possessed, dragging it across the floor and hurling it down under Jess' hand-drawn Trap.

The demon screamed with fury, leaping to its feet to struggle against the invisible prison walls.

"Good job," Samuel grunted, his praise somewhat grudging but Jess didn't care. She pulled the silver knife from her sleeve, handing it to Samuel as she held up the Bible.

"Keep an eye on him. I need to concentrate."

"What do you need? Like, candles and stuff?"

"No, I got this."

Jess steeled herself, stepped up to the trapped demon and began to recite.

_"Regna terrae, cantate Deo,_

_psallite Domino_  
_qui fertis super caelum_  
_caeli ad Orientem_  
_Ecce dabit voci Suae_  
_vocem virtutis,_  
_tribuite virtutem Deo."_

"Are you _kidding_ me? You think you can just throw some Latin my way and 'poof' I'm gone?"

Jess remained calm, her heart racing but her face giving nothing away.

"Pretty much, yeah."

She forced herself to meet the demon's coal-black eyes, summoning her courage and her faith and continued.

_"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus  
omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio  
infernalis adversarii, omnis legio,  
omnis congregatio et secta diabolica."_

In the corner of her eye, she saw Samuel circle the demon warily, holding her silver knife, looking out for any tricks the demon might pull. As if on cue, the man began to cough and choke, black smoke swirling from his mouth despite his struggles to regain his foothold within the other Hunter's body. Jess pressed on.

_"Ergo draco maledicte_  
_et omnis legio diabolica adjuramus te._  
_cessa decipere humanas creaturas,_  
_eisque aeternae Perditionis venenum propinare."_

The demon screamed, rage and pain boiling up.

"This won't stop me! I'll be back for you, slut, and next time - you think your tricks and your chalk lines'll keep you safe?"

Jess ignored him as best she could, continuing her recital.

_"Vade, Satana, inventor et magister_  
_omnis fallaciae, hostis humanae salutis-_

"Are you listening, bitch? I'm gonna take my time with you. Get to know you inside and out, you know what I mean?"

"Shut your mouth!"

Samuel couldn't bear to hear any more from the mouth of his friend, regardless of who was in the driver's seat and he swung at the demon, moving over the lines of the Devil's Trap. Perhaps he meant to try and reach Matthew, locked inside his own body, or perhaps he just wanted to do his job and kill the bad guy, but the demon was waiting. It grabbed Samuel's arm, yanking him off balance and pulling him into the Trap.

"No!"

Jess broke off her invocation, panic kicking in as the two men grappled, the black smoke of the demon boiling the air between them. What the hell was she supposed to do now? The demon was half out, but it seemed to be trying to possess Samuel too, holding him within the Trap. The only thing she could do was continue and hope she could send the demon back to Hell before any more harm could be done.

_"Humiliare sub potenti manu dei,_  
_contremisce et effuge, invocato a_  
_nobis sancto et terribili nomine,_  
_quem inferi tremunt."_

Samuel pinned Matthew's body to the ground, holding the knife to his throat, but as he did so, the smoke dived into his mouth, trying to take refuge in another body before Jess could finish the ritual. What now? She had no more Holy Water, Samuel had her weapon and she had no idea what would happen if it possessed him instead. While she hesitated, Samuel pulled back, trying to fight it off, then he threw himself back down, plunging the knife into Matthew's chest. The demon screamed, the black smoke yanked back out of Samuel in shock, returning to Matthew's fatally injured body.

"Keep going!" he yelled and Jess, too shocked to do anything else, obeyed.

"_Ab insidiis diaboli, libera nos, Domine._  
_Ut Ecclesiam tuam secura tibi facias_  
_libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos._  
_Ut inimicos sanctae Ecclesiae humiliare digneris,_  
_te rogamus, audi nos._

_Ut inimicos sanctae Ecclesiae_  
_te rogamus, audi nos._  
_Terribilis Deus de sanctuario suo._  
_Deus Israhel ipse truderit virtutem_  
_et fortitudinem plebi Suae._  
_Benedictus Deus. Gloria Patri."_

With a final scream of cheated rage, the demon was ripped the human form it had possessed, swirling against the walls of its prison before being sucked back down to a more permanent one.

For a moment, the old church was silent. Then Matthew gave a great gasp, like a drowner being resuscitated, only for this to instantly change to him struggling for breath, as he came back to himself and discovered the knife wound Samuel had inflicted on him.

Jess, horrified, dropped the Bible and rushed to help him.

"Should I call an ambulance?"

Samuel didn't even look at her, his hands red with his friend's blood as Matthew went into spasm, choking his life away.

"It's too late for that."

He was right. Matthew was already dead.

Jess was too shocked to know what to do, but it wasn't long before Deanna and Mary arrived, and the three Campbells didn't appear to be strangers to making a body disappear. Shortly after, the four of them stood around a funeral pyre in the woods, watching it burn slowly down to nothing. Jess found she had nothing to say. She'd known it wouldn't be easy, but it should have been relatively straightforward to exorcise the demon; she hadn't expected it to go so horribly wrong, to cause the death of an innocent man, a fellow Hunter. And she hadn't expected the Campbells to be so unaffected by the man's death. They'd said a brief prayer over his body as they lit the pyre, shared a few memories of what he'd been like, then settled in silence to wait for it to burn down. And that has been it. Jess wondered if she had been the one to get killed, whether they'd have done anything different for her. Living with them, they'd seemed so much like a regular family, she'd almost forgotten what the cost of Hunting was, and not just for those you couldn't save.

Gazing into the dying embers, Jess wondered if she could ever lose the guilt that weighed on her so heavily. And then she glanced up, and Sariel was stood on the other side of the clearing, watching them. The angel's voice echoed inside her mind.

"Time to go."

"I... I think maybe I should leave."

The Campbells looked at her, as one. Samuel had the same expression of barely repressed rage he'd worn since he'd come back to the house that day. Deanna looked weary, her concern for her family taking precedence – presumably she was thinking about how easily it could have been Samuel who was killed instead. Mary... well, she looked like she wanted to be anywhere else right then, and Jess had to remind herself that Mary was only seventeen. She'd been raised a Hunter, but she was just a kid. Jess was still technically only twenty-one herself – after all, you didn't age in Heaven – but she'd grown up considerably, even if she hadn't gotten any older.

Samuel chose to ignore what Jess had said, turning over the ashes of the pyre and Deanna went to stand behind him, her hand on his shoulder.

"Perhaps that would be best. I think we've taught you enough."

She didn't sound angry, but it was clear she wanted to focus on her family, not relative strangers.

"Mary, could I talk to you for a minute?"

Mary shrugged, pulling her jacket closer around herself, and followed Jess a little way off.

"You okay?"

Mary just shrugged again.

"Did you know him well? Matthew, I mean."

"A little. Dad tries to keep me away from his Hunter buddies."

Jess hesitated, struggling to put what she was feeling into words.

"Look, Mary, I... I really appreciate everything you and your family have done for me. You didn't have to help me out-"

"That's okay." Mary was scuffing her shoe along the ground, not meeting Jess' eyes.

"Glad to help out."

"I didn't mean for it to end like this." Jess glanced back at the now extinguished pyre, where Samuel and Deanna were shovelling dirt back over the ashes. "I didn't think-"

"That anyone'd get hurt?"

Mary looked up, and her expression was serious beyond her years. No seventeen year old should feel that matter of fact about a man's brutal murder.

"This is what Hunting is, Jessica. People get hurt and they get killed. All we can do is try to put that off as long as possible."

Jessica felt her heart twist within her and for a moment she was severely tempted to tell Mary just what the future had in store for her – about the husband she hadn't met yet, the children yet to be born, and how all three Campbells themselves would die horrible deaths because of some yellow-eyed demon and the long game he was playing. But she knew it wouldn't make any difference; even if she did tell Mary, surely Sariel would just erase those memories to ensure the future played out the way it had when it was, to Jess, the past. Or, whatever made sense.

"I know. And I'm sorry, I really am. You take care, okay?"

Mary shrugged again, clearly not wanting to have this conversation.

"Just remember – you have a choice in all this. You don't have to Hunt just because you were brought up in it."

Mary met her eyes once more and Jess saw the spark of determination that flashed up.

"I know. Goodbye Jessica."

"Goodbye Mary. I'd say I'll see you again someday, but-" Jess took one last look back at Samuel and Deanna and the earthly remains of Matthew Rake. "I doubt it'll work out like that."

Jess watched Mary walk back to her parents, and then the Campbells got back in the truck and drove away.

Sariel came up behind Jess, putting a maternal hand on her shoulder.

"Was that the lesson you wanted me to learn?" Jess asked, too tired to be angry. "That people die? Because I learned that one already. In fact, it would have been hard to miss."

"I wanted to make sure you weren't in any rush to get yourself killed in order to prove that point," was Sariel's quiet reply. "Things can go wrong so fast; I won't always be there to look out for you either."

"You were here?" Jess spun around, horrified. "You could have saved him, and you didn't?"

"I can't interfere in their lives."

"But-"

"No buts, Jessica. There are rules I have to follow. _Lots_ of rules."

And with that, they were back in the same hotel room in 2009.

Jess immediately began to pace the room, adrenaline flooding through her.

"So the lesson was to watch someone else die? Knowing that if it wasn't for me, he'd be alive? That you could've saved him if I wasn't there?"

"Jessica. Calm down. This wasn't something I set up to teach you a lesson. I sent you to Mary Campbell because she's the best person for you to learn from. That wasn't wrong, was it?"

"Wrong? Do you have any idea how _insane_ this has been for me? I got brought back from the dead, then you sent me back in time to learn how to kill monsters from the teenage version of my boyfriend's _mom_."

Sariel just stood where she was, arms folded, waiting for Jess to stop pacing. With a huge sigh, Jess flopped down on the bed, arms over her head, staring at the ceiling as she tried to take it all in. This was her life now. Weird was normal, she had to accept that. For a start, she was arguing with an _angel_.

"I'm sorry if all this has upset you."

Sariel sat down on the bed next to Jess.

"I honestly thought this would be good for you. Let you try things out a little, with some of the best Hunters at your side."

Jess forced herself to concentrate on breathing steadily, in and out, trying to calm herself.

"So let me see Sam. He and Dean are some of the best Hunters there are, right?"

"Jessica."

For a moment, Sariel sounded exactly like Jess' own mother used to, when Jess was a kid trying to get her own way.

"When I said rules, perhaps I wasn't making myself clear. You cannot see Sam Winchester, not yet. And even if I were to try and take you to him, or let you go find him yourself... there would be an intervention, and even I'm not sure what form that would take."

Jess propped herself up on her elbows, turning her head to take in Sariel's very serious expression.

"Who do you mean?"

"I mean that there are... factions in Heaven. Not all of them agree with each other, and right now there is a _lot_ going on upstairs."

Sariel shuddered, pulling her white mac closer around herself.

"I don't think you understand quite how enormous the repercussions of what Sam and Dean did are. They averted the Apocalypse. Things don't get bigger than that. Half the angels who made it through don't know what to do with themselves now, and the other half are fighting it out to see who gets to be in charge now we're short a couple of Archangels. And I'm doing my best to stay out of it and to fix as much as I can down here without bringing any more trouble where it isn't needed."

Jess took a moment to think about that.

"So... what do you do when you're not with me?" she asked, genuinely curious.

Sariel smiled, relaxing a little.

"What I can. As I said, a lot of rules. But, I've been down here a while. I've learned a few tricks and I try to fulfil my purpose as best I can."

"Guidance and healing, right?"

"That's what is says on the tin."

"Well... I could use the guidance," Jess confessed. "I have no idea what to do now."

"You will be allowed to see Sam eventually," Sariel assured her. "When it's safe, when the time is right. I know you don't want to hear that-"

"It's okay. I'm not sure I'm ready yet anyway. I mean all the time I was in Heaven, I couldn't wait to come back, to see him. But now I'm here..."

"It's complicated, isn't it? Being alive?" Sariel smiled at her.

"What would you know?" Jess grinned back.

"I've been living in human form for nearly two thousand years I'll have you know, young lady. I think I've gotten the hang of it now. Anyway, I fancy a drink. You?"

"Now you're talking."

Jess got up, brushing down her clothes, trying to brush off the negative experiences.

She was alive. She'd learned. She was going to see Sam, in the flesh, sometime. Things would be okay. Somehow.


End file.
